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Jul. 23rd, 2009 10:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
imadoctordammitTypical Evening
Roll in around 8PM unless I'm working graveyard, but then this post would be titled "Typical Morning," so we'll ignore that part.
The place is tidy--too tidy. Jim's neat. You don't live shipboard for long without knowing how to stow gear and keep the little part of the world that's yours private. But he's not obsessive about it. So when the couch cushions are plumped just right and crumbs picked up and all the dishes done except he forgot to put those two glasses drying in the sink back into the cabinet I know. The conversation usually goes like this:
2005 HRS:
ME: GODDAMMIT, JIM!
HIM: (trying and failing to look innocent) Wha--?
ME: IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SOMEONE BACK TO OUR PLACE SCREW ON YOUR OWN GODDAMN BED.
(here I'll flip over cushions and, if I have to, pull out the sofa bed and find the wet spots).
GODDAMN! YOU COULD AT LEAST CHANGE THE FUCKING SHEETS. I DON'T WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR CUM!
HIM: You just wanna sleep with me~
ME: (Insert cussing tirade here) NO! ASSHOLE. (Checking liquor cabinet) AND BUY YOUR OWN GODDAMN WHISKEY!
HIM: S/He liked bourbon, so--
ME: BUY YOUR OWN.
2007 HRS:
Much stomping around, yanking off of sheets and throwing them on Jim, drinking what's left of said whiskey, growling and threats of hyposprays.
HIM: Sits there with that shit-eating grin and watches.
HIM: You know, if you'd just get laid--
ME: SHUT THE HELL UP. I'M NOT A GODDAMN WHORE LIKE YOU.
HIM: Well, if you want a whore, but I thought you're more the girlfriend type. What about--
ME: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
2010-2100 HRS:
Silence, broken only by muttered swearing and a vow that I will not provide a floor show for my retarded roommate.
2101 HRS:
HIM: (Helping himself to my booze) I'm bored! Let's do something!
ME: I just got off of a 12-hour shift. I just wanna sit here, stare at the wall and contemplate all the ways I'm gonna make your life hell.
HIM: Aw, come on, Bones! It'll be fun.
ME: Go to hell.
2103 HRS:
HIM: Pleeeease?
ME: (thinking it's too bad no one's invented death ray vision yet)
HIM: You know you want to.
ME: You are not dragging me out to some goddamn bar just so I can sit around and watch you whore yourself out or get beat to a pulp. You don't need me holding your goddamn hand for you to do that.
HIM: Hey, can I help it if everyone wants a piece of me~? (smiles what he believes to be a charming smile but what it really says is go ahead, beat my face in)
ME: (snorting) Yeah. Right. Dream on, asshole.
HIM: Aw, come on, Bones. Live a little. All work and no play makes Bones a grumpy, hypo-spraying maniac.
ME: *digs in med kit*
HIM: I'll buy the first four rounds~
2135 HRS:
ME: (shouting to be heard over the cacophony of voices, throbbing bass beats, and clinking glasses) YOU PROMISED SOMEPLACE QUIET!
HIM: Too busy playing tonsil hockey with some bimbo to answer.
ME: *pays for rounds* Asshole.
2152 HRS:
HIM: Bones, this is Crystal-- (pulls random blonde forward) She's needing a thorough exam if ya get my drift.
HER: *giggles*
ME: Goddamn. I CAN FIND MY OWN WOMEN, JIM. (to her) Ma'am I don't reckon you meant to put your hands there. Or there. Or there. GODDAMN IT, WOMAN, UNHAND ME!
HER: *cries and runs off*
HIM: No wonder it's been two and one-half years, Bones.
ME: Fuck off.
HIM: See if I ever do you another favor.
2153-0019 HRS: More of the same.
0027 HRS: Get kicked out of bar for fighting.
ME: Hold still, goddammit. You're lucky he didn't break your nose.
HIM: *leaning arms across my shoulders because he's so shit-faced he can't stand* Coulda taken him.
ME: Yeah, yeah. You're the invincible Captain Kid. This is gonna hurt.
HIM: FUCK!
ME: (pocketing hypo) Snicker.
0042 HRS:. Home at last.
ME: Trying to sleep.
HIM: Rambling about all the girls, all the guys, all the fights, the booze, and my sex life.
ME: Shut up and go to sleep.
HIM: And then, and then--
ME: *yanks pillow over head to drown him out*
0051 HRS:
HIM: BONES!
ME: *Jumps straight up* WHAT?
HIM: Remember that Andorian, what was her name--?
ME: *groans and tries to sleep*
0123 HRS:
HIM: BONES!
ME: *jumps* WHAT?
HIM: Can't sleep.
ME: Well, I can. Shut up.
HIM: But Boooooooooooooooones~
ME: Aw, hell.
0224 HRS:
ME: *something's not right* *opens eyes to find Kirk squatting on floor next to sofabed, STARING.
ME: GODDAMMIT! *sits bolt upright--NOT a sight you wanna see first thing you wake up*
HIM: So I was thinking~
ME: *throws nearest throwable object at him*
HIM: *dodges, the bastard* So, I'm gonna hook you up with someone.
ME: *groans*
0346 HRS:
HIM: BONES!
ME: *sobbing* Just let me sleep. Please.
HIM: You ever wonder about time? I mean, really wonder? Like, Pike thinks we're gonna make time-stream dissolving babies, but what if that's what we're supposed to do? I mean not dissolve the time-stream, but what if we're supposed to DO something? We'd be destroying the space-time continuum by not
0428 HRS:
ME: ZZZZZZZZ
HIM: Psst. Bones!
ME: Wha--?
HIM: I'm watching~
ME: FOR GOD'S SAKE LET ME SLEEP!
HIM: *sniggers*
0630 HRS:
ALARM: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
ME: Huh, wha--? *drags self out of bed & stumbles into kitchen*
HIM: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZ SNORT ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ GRUNT OH BABY THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE ITTZZZZZZ
ME: *glare*
0830 HRS:
ME: *sucking down third cup of coffee and staring blearily out window*
HIM: *bouncing in all smiles and bright eyes* Morning~ Had a blast last night. How 'bout you?
ME: *urge to kill rising* You could at least act hung over.
HIM: Nah. Didn't drink enough. Slept like a baby, too.
ME: GRRRRRRRRRRRR
HIM: Something the matter~?
ME: Nothing that one night's sleep without some MORON WAKING ME UP EVERY FIVE MINUTES WON'T CURE.
HIM: Geeze, Bones. You really gotta learn to hold your liquor better. Your eyes are all bloodshot and those bags are hanging down to your chin.
HIM: *slaps my shoulder on way out to do God knows what* Get more sleep! Captain's Orders.
*please comment under![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecityrpg
Roll in around 8PM unless I'm working graveyard, but then this post would be titled "Typical Morning," so we'll ignore that part.
The place is tidy--too tidy. Jim's neat. You don't live shipboard for long without knowing how to stow gear and keep the little part of the world that's yours private. But he's not obsessive about it. So when the couch cushions are plumped just right and crumbs picked up and all the dishes done except he forgot to put those two glasses drying in the sink back into the cabinet I know. The conversation usually goes like this:
2005 HRS:
ME: GODDAMMIT, JIM!
HIM: (trying and failing to look innocent) Wha--?
ME: IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SOMEONE BACK TO OUR PLACE SCREW ON YOUR OWN GODDAMN BED.
(here I'll flip over cushions and, if I have to, pull out the sofa bed and find the wet spots).
GODDAMN! YOU COULD AT LEAST CHANGE THE FUCKING SHEETS. I DON'T WANNA SLEEP IN YOUR CUM!
HIM: You just wanna sleep with me~
ME: (Insert cussing tirade here) NO! ASSHOLE. (Checking liquor cabinet) AND BUY YOUR OWN GODDAMN WHISKEY!
HIM: S/He liked bourbon, so--
ME: BUY YOUR OWN.
2007 HRS:
Much stomping around, yanking off of sheets and throwing them on Jim, drinking what's left of said whiskey, growling and threats of hyposprays.
HIM: Sits there with that shit-eating grin and watches.
HIM: You know, if you'd just get laid--
ME: SHUT THE HELL UP. I'M NOT A GODDAMN WHORE LIKE YOU.
HIM: Well, if you want a whore, but I thought you're more the girlfriend type. What about--
ME: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
2010-2100 HRS:
Silence, broken only by muttered swearing and a vow that I will not provide a floor show for my retarded roommate.
2101 HRS:
HIM: (Helping himself to my booze) I'm bored! Let's do something!
ME: I just got off of a 12-hour shift. I just wanna sit here, stare at the wall and contemplate all the ways I'm gonna make your life hell.
HIM: Aw, come on, Bones! It'll be fun.
ME: Go to hell.
2103 HRS:
HIM: Pleeeease?
ME: (thinking it's too bad no one's invented death ray vision yet)
HIM: You know you want to.
ME: You are not dragging me out to some goddamn bar just so I can sit around and watch you whore yourself out or get beat to a pulp. You don't need me holding your goddamn hand for you to do that.
HIM: Hey, can I help it if everyone wants a piece of me~? (smiles what he believes to be a charming smile but what it really says is go ahead, beat my face in)
ME: (snorting) Yeah. Right. Dream on, asshole.
HIM: Aw, come on, Bones. Live a little. All work and no play makes Bones a grumpy, hypo-spraying maniac.
ME: *digs in med kit*
HIM: I'll buy the first four rounds~
2135 HRS:
ME: (shouting to be heard over the cacophony of voices, throbbing bass beats, and clinking glasses) YOU PROMISED SOMEPLACE QUIET!
HIM: Too busy playing tonsil hockey with some bimbo to answer.
ME: *pays for rounds* Asshole.
2152 HRS:
HIM: Bones, this is Crystal-- (pulls random blonde forward) She's needing a thorough exam if ya get my drift.
HER: *giggles*
ME: Goddamn. I CAN FIND MY OWN WOMEN, JIM. (to her) Ma'am I don't reckon you meant to put your hands there. Or there. Or there. GODDAMN IT, WOMAN, UNHAND ME!
HER: *cries and runs off*
HIM: No wonder it's been two and one-half years, Bones.
ME: Fuck off.
HIM: See if I ever do you another favor.
2153-0019 HRS: More of the same.
0027 HRS: Get kicked out of bar for fighting.
ME: Hold still, goddammit. You're lucky he didn't break your nose.
HIM: *leaning arms across my shoulders because he's so shit-faced he can't stand* Coulda taken him.
ME: Yeah, yeah. You're the invincible Captain Kid. This is gonna hurt.
HIM: FUCK!
ME: (pocketing hypo) Snicker.
0042 HRS:. Home at last.
ME: Trying to sleep.
HIM: Rambling about all the girls, all the guys, all the fights, the booze, and my sex life.
ME: Shut up and go to sleep.
HIM: And then, and then--
ME: *yanks pillow over head to drown him out*
0051 HRS:
HIM: BONES!
ME: *Jumps straight up* WHAT?
HIM: Remember that Andorian, what was her name--?
ME: *groans and tries to sleep*
0123 HRS:
HIM: BONES!
ME: *jumps* WHAT?
HIM: Can't sleep.
ME: Well, I can. Shut up.
HIM: But Boooooooooooooooones~
ME: Aw, hell.
0224 HRS:
ME: *something's not right* *opens eyes to find Kirk squatting on floor next to sofabed, STARING.
ME: GODDAMMIT! *sits bolt upright--NOT a sight you wanna see first thing you wake up*
HIM: So I was thinking~
ME: *throws nearest throwable object at him*
HIM: *dodges, the bastard* So, I'm gonna hook you up with someone.
ME: *groans*
0346 HRS:
HIM: BONES!
ME: *sobbing* Just let me sleep. Please.
HIM: You ever wonder about time? I mean, really wonder? Like, Pike thinks we're gonna make time-stream dissolving babies, but what if that's what we're supposed to do? I mean not dissolve the time-stream, but what if we're supposed to DO something? We'd be destroying the space-time continuum by not
0428 HRS:
ME: ZZZZZZZZ
HIM: Psst. Bones!
ME: Wha--?
HIM: I'm watching~
ME: FOR GOD'S SAKE LET ME SLEEP!
HIM: *sniggers*
0630 HRS:
ALARM: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
ME: Huh, wha--? *drags self out of bed & stumbles into kitchen*
HIM: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZ SNORT ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ GRUNT OH BABY THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE ITTZZZZZZ
ME: *glare*
0830 HRS:
ME: *sucking down third cup of coffee and staring blearily out window*
HIM: *bouncing in all smiles and bright eyes* Morning~ Had a blast last night. How 'bout you?
ME: *urge to kill rising* You could at least act hung over.
HIM: Nah. Didn't drink enough. Slept like a baby, too.
ME: GRRRRRRRRRRRR
HIM: Something the matter~?
ME: Nothing that one night's sleep without some MORON WAKING ME UP EVERY FIVE MINUTES WON'T CURE.
HIM: Geeze, Bones. You really gotta learn to hold your liquor better. Your eyes are all bloodshot and those bags are hanging down to your chin.
HIM: *slaps my shoulder on way out to do God knows what* Get more sleep! Captain's Orders.
*please comment under
thecityrpg
